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-Before I moved to Luxembourg, if I read on someone’s Facebook profile that they claimed to speak three or four languages, I’d have one of several thoughts:
1) Bullshit, they’re lying. Nobody speaks that many different languages except maybe the Most Interesting Man in the World from the Dos Equis commercials and he’s made up, OR
2) if they really do speak that many different languages and they’re posting about it on Facebook, they must be some needy, insecure type and are only posting about it because they’re seeking attention: “Hey, look at me everybody, I speak five different languages, aren’t I the Shiz?”
Or 3) if they really do speak that many different languages (alternative supposition), they must have super-human intelligence and crazy-mad life skillz and be of such a higher level of all-around life competency that were I ever to find myself in their presence, I’d automatically start drooling down the front of my shirt while mumbling incomprehensible dumbness. In short, I’d turn into Homer Simpson.
Well hey, guess what—EVERYBODY in Luxembourg speaks 13 different languages! OK, 13 is an exaggeration, but at least 4, which usually means six or seven because along with Lëtzebuergish, French, German and English, they usually also speak “a little Portuguesish, some Italian and I’m just learning Spanish, but I’m not very good yet.”
Even folks working behind the counter at McDonald’s?
Oui.
How ‘bout the hoagie-makers at Subway?
Ja.
Starbucks?
There are no Starbucks in Luxembourg.
How ‘bout the public restroom attendant lady who takes the money when you pay half a Euro to go potty?
Jo. (That’s Lëtzebuergish for ‘yes.’)
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I’m more than a little embarrassed that I speak only English. Last week though while on a bike ride with some Lëtzebuergish and Dutch cyclists, one of the Dutch riders tried to ease my embarrassment.
“You live in a big country, so you don’t need to speak another language,” he said. “If you live in a small country like we do and you want to talk to people who live next to you, you need to speak other languages.”
That’s a good point and in my defense, I do honor my neighbors to the north by being able to speak some Canadian: ‘May I have a serviette, eh?’, ‘Where’s the washroom, eh?’, ‘Can I get some vinegar for my fries, eh?’, ‘Where’s the nearest Timmy’s, eh?’ ‘May I have a couple loonies for this toonie, eh?’ However, when it comes my neighbor to the south, Mexico, sadly I speak no Spanish beyond ‘No problemo,’ which I don’t think is even correct.
It’s a way of doing things that I don’t want to continue during my time here in Luxembourg. So, meaning nothing but respect to the Grand Duchy’s three official languages, I’ve come up with McQuaidembuergish, an ever-evolving mash-up of Lëtzebuergish, French and German. Here’s a sample:
Ah, c’est une schöne dag! Ech gehe Vëlo feuren unter den Soleil an blau … uh, skyen. Ech Vëlo feuren op grossen Biergen und entrer den Pain Cave. (Maybe that should be ‘Mal Cave’; I don’t mean ‘bread cave.’) Alles ass gudd mat le monde!
Pretty sweet, eh?
Well hey, guess what—EVERYBODY in Luxembourg speaks 13 different languages! OK, 13 is an exaggeration, but at least 4, which usually means six or seven because along with Lëtzebuergish, French, German and English, they usually also speak “a little Portuguesish, some Italian and I’m just learning Spanish, but I’m not very good yet.”
Even folks working behind the counter at McDonald’s?
Oui.
How ‘bout the hoagie-makers at Subway?
Ja.
Starbucks?
There are no Starbucks in Luxembourg.
How ‘bout the public restroom attendant lady who takes the money when you pay half a Euro to go potty?
Jo. (That’s Lëtzebuergish for ‘yes.’)
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“You live in a big country, so you don’t need to speak another language,” he said. “If you live in a small country like we do and you want to talk to people who live next to you, you need to speak other languages.”
That’s a good point and in my defense, I do honor my neighbors to the north by being able to speak some Canadian: ‘May I have a serviette, eh?’, ‘Where’s the washroom, eh?’, ‘Can I get some vinegar for my fries, eh?’, ‘Where’s the nearest Timmy’s, eh?’ ‘May I have a couple loonies for this toonie, eh?’ However, when it comes my neighbor to the south, Mexico, sadly I speak no Spanish beyond ‘No problemo,’ which I don’t think is even correct.
It’s a way of doing things that I don’t want to continue during my time here in Luxembourg. So, meaning nothing but respect to the Grand Duchy’s three official languages, I’ve come up with McQuaidembuergish, an ever-evolving mash-up of Lëtzebuergish, French and German. Here’s a sample:
Ah, c’est une schöne dag! Ech gehe Vëlo feuren unter den Soleil an blau … uh, skyen. Ech Vëlo feuren op grossen Biergen und entrer den Pain Cave. (Maybe that should be ‘Mal Cave’; I don’t mean ‘bread cave.’) Alles ass gudd mat le monde!
Pretty sweet, eh?
